As I'm sitting here looking out my bedroom window, I realize that there is only 10 days till I leave my life I've been living here in America to add on another part of my life, experiencing what could've been had I never been here in the U. S. of A.
Slowly becoming more and more excited for this journey!
I can't wait!!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Monday, March 4, 2013
I decided rather than forcing myself to feel better about the trip and going to India, I would embrace it. Let the feelings come or go, feel what I want to feel, instead of just purposefully "sticking" to one emotion.
I've started (better sooner than later) embracing the effect of change. So, tonight, I took a leap of faith, and rearranged all the furniture in my room! And now I'm going embrace the uncomfortable, comfortable, and somewhat nerve-racking effect of change. Because there is going to be a lot of it in India, it's going to be one big culture shock! So I might as well get used to the "culture shock" within my own room, and minimally, but strategically prepare myself (as much as I can) for what I may feel when I get to India.
I've started (better sooner than later) embracing the effect of change. So, tonight, I took a leap of faith, and rearranged all the furniture in my room! And now I'm going embrace the uncomfortable, comfortable, and somewhat nerve-racking effect of change. Because there is going to be a lot of it in India, it's going to be one big culture shock! So I might as well get used to the "culture shock" within my own room, and minimally, but strategically prepare myself (as much as I can) for what I may feel when I get to India.
Worrying is a waste of time. It doesn't change anything.
It messes with your mind and steals your happiness.
All I can do is sit here as the departure date slowly approaches and tense up at the thought of getting on that plane on the 15th. Another thing that I am scared of is experiencing and accepting change --- the change of environment, culture, everything. I am scared of leaving everything I've ever known for 17 and a half years and bringing something so unknown into my line of sight, and sound. Something that, when I was younger, I would dream about going back. But I never thought it would really happen. Yet here I am, getting ready to go on the adventure of a lifetime. But...am I really ready?
No. I'm not. People may say I am, but I certainly don't feel like it at all.
Hopefully I will feel ready when I step off that plane, and enter into the cultural diversity that is...India!
It messes with your mind and steals your happiness.
All I can do is sit here as the departure date slowly approaches and tense up at the thought of getting on that plane on the 15th. Another thing that I am scared of is experiencing and accepting change --- the change of environment, culture, everything. I am scared of leaving everything I've ever known for 17 and a half years and bringing something so unknown into my line of sight, and sound. Something that, when I was younger, I would dream about going back. But I never thought it would really happen. Yet here I am, getting ready to go on the adventure of a lifetime. But...am I really ready?
No. I'm not. People may say I am, but I certainly don't feel like it at all.
Hopefully I will feel ready when I step off that plane, and enter into the cultural diversity that is...India!
Sunday, March 3, 2013
So, as most of you probably don't know, I have not been excited for this trip, and am still really not. Most of what I have been feeling is nervousness. Nervousness for a lot of things, but I have compiled a list this evening, regarding not only what I have been nervous about, but also, surprisingly what I am looking forward to about this trip. I would like to share it with you all, as I believe that it is a key point in my emotional journey leading up to this trip.
Here is my list:
Here is my list:
Expectations
for India Trip
March 2013
What am I scared of?
- Witnessing
poverty, and unconsciously making up unrealistic situations that could’ve
involved me in this sense, if I had stayed in India.
- Emotional
Overload/ Overwhelming Emotions (see previous blog posts)
- Being
separated from Dad/Getting lost
- Getting sick
What am I looking forward to?
- Sharing my
life experience here in the US with the kids in the orphanage
- The food!
- Possible
festivals? Indian Dance?
- Seeing
shrines
- THE TAJ
MAHAL!
What do I think is going to happen?
To me?
- Fear
- Overwhelming,
complicated emotions – emotions that I won’t be able to process right away
In India?
- People
begging me for money constantly (because I’m rich and an American).
Saturday, March 2, 2013
So, my Dad and I got our immunizations on Thursday after school, and it was not really what I expected at all. Instead of just going into the clinic and sitting down and getting your shots and walking out, you have to have a consult to assess what immunizations you have had and which ones you need in order to go to your desired destination.
Some of it was a little nerve-racking, and not just because you were nervous about how many times you were gonna have to get stuck with a needle, but also because just the day before I was talking to my English teacher about all the necessary shots he had to get. He has lived and taught all over the world, so I knew he was an expert in this sort of stuff, and he was telling me about the time he got Dengue Fever, and not that I thought that I was going to get it, but hearing his story about how awful it was made me think "Well what if I get something similar that's just as bad?" And going to the consult to talk about your trip can make you feel like that too, because they shove all these papers in you face, saying well you could get this, so just be careful. I'm sitting here thinking "HELLO! Be CAREFUL?!" "Is that what you really what you just said to me?" "HECK! Give me the shots right now! Make me a freakin' pin cushion if you have to! I do NOT want Dengue Fever!".
So, it was a very exhilarating mental experience, but hey! Better safe than sorry!
Some of it was a little nerve-racking, and not just because you were nervous about how many times you were gonna have to get stuck with a needle, but also because just the day before I was talking to my English teacher about all the necessary shots he had to get. He has lived and taught all over the world, so I knew he was an expert in this sort of stuff, and he was telling me about the time he got Dengue Fever, and not that I thought that I was going to get it, but hearing his story about how awful it was made me think "Well what if I get something similar that's just as bad?" And going to the consult to talk about your trip can make you feel like that too, because they shove all these papers in you face, saying well you could get this, so just be careful. I'm sitting here thinking "HELLO! Be CAREFUL?!" "Is that what you really what you just said to me?" "HECK! Give me the shots right now! Make me a freakin' pin cushion if you have to! I do NOT want Dengue Fever!".
So, it was a very exhilarating mental experience, but hey! Better safe than sorry!
Friday, March 1, 2013
Last week, it was made official. I'm really going to India. My Dad bought the plane tickets. I can't believe it's really happening. Like I can't even fathom it. I'm actually feeling really scared, and I'm really nervous. I don't know what's going to happen, but hey, isn't that part of the excitement? Waiting to see what's going to happen is half of the fun of traveling. Well, at least that's how I'm trying to look at it in terms of this trip.
Looking on the positive side, and not panicking and thinking about what might go wrong is the key. It is a reminder I must give myself everyday until the departure date. I've been watching Monk recently, you know, the defective detective? And I notice things just as carefully as him, anybody who knows me well enough knows I'm super observant. And being observant about everything, like Monk, looking at everything that is wrong, is like I said not the right way to approach things --- in any situation. For once I'm not going to try to think on the negative side, I'm not going to be Mr. Monk. This trip is the opportunity of a lifetime, and I'm certainly not going to cloud it up with negative energy!
BRING IT ON INDIA!
Looking on the positive side, and not panicking and thinking about what might go wrong is the key. It is a reminder I must give myself everyday until the departure date. I've been watching Monk recently, you know, the defective detective? And I notice things just as carefully as him, anybody who knows me well enough knows I'm super observant. And being observant about everything, like Monk, looking at everything that is wrong, is like I said not the right way to approach things --- in any situation. For once I'm not going to try to think on the negative side, I'm not going to be Mr. Monk. This trip is the opportunity of a lifetime, and I'm certainly not going to cloud it up with negative energy!
BRING IT ON INDIA!
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