Reflection on my Studies this November:

This was such a fun and productive (and emotional) month! I got a lot done and learned so much about myself as a learner and adoptee for that matter. I can't wait to go back to school and tell everybody my experience! But there's so much more to learn, and I can't wait to further share my journey with you all! Thanks for following my blog everybody!

My parents have always said since I was little, "We're so thankful your birth mother gave you up so we could have you." Well thinking about this upcoming Thanksgiving, I realize that it may be a hard, traumatic loss but that it is a blessing that I got the best family I could've ever hoped for. Thanks to everybody who have made my life so rich and wonderful. Have a happy Thanksgiving!

One of the books I am currently reading as part of my studies is called Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew. This book is read from the point of view of many different adoptees, usually adults and what they wished or had wanted their parents to know about varying kinds of things. This book ranges from all sorts of things, such as "Just Because I Don't Talk About My Birth Family Doesn't Mean I Don't Think About Them." and "I Want You To Take Initiative in Opening Conversations About My Birth Family." and another one that I look forward to reading later on is "Birthdays May Be Difficult for Me."

This book is very interesting, and I am enjoying reading it very much. I have already gotten so much out of this book and I am learning a great deal about myself as an adoptee. Some of the stuff I have encountered has sparked a lot of questions and emotions arising around the subject of my adoption.
I can't wait to learn more!

You may be wondering, why I chose to take this trip and why now? I guess you could just say it was a calling. It just finally seemed to be the right time to go home and experience where I came from.

This month of November the seniors in my high school were given this month off to study and prepare for our expeditions. While studying I have come across some shocking and unexpected feelings. Some of which has come from the books I have been reading, specifically sections on loss. Also some tears have been shed just from watching movies that were filmed and based in India itself, in terms of the overwhelming environment that I will have to face when I arrive. Things such as, the very busy streets and the noise. Some of these emotions may only get stronger as the trip nears, but I believe that what gets stronger in this sense can only further prepare me for the journey...

So, just some background information for those of you who don't know or are not aware of what is going on regarding this blog. At my high school, the Rocky Mountain School of Expeditionary Learning, each high schooler is given the opportunity to study whatever they want for an extended amount of time off. Yes, I mean whatever, given that it's school appropriate. So each student then goes off and learns to their heart's desire on the subject that they've always wanted to study. We then go through a lot of preparation in getting ready to go off and learn, such as drafted proposals stating what you want to do, and things of that nature. We also are required to present what we have learned on our time away from the classroom at what we at RMSEL like to call a showcase night where we present certain aspects of the experience that we've had doing whatever. One of the things that each student is asked to prepare by his or her teacher is a final product that you are assessed on for a "grade".

So, long story short. I have decided that I am going to make a journey back home to India in March of 2013 before I graduate. I am studying certain aspects on adoption and will hopefully be working in an orphanage in India, to incorporate the experience of what I may have experienced before I came to the USA. And it most definitely will be a pilgrimage! I will be going with my father, and a close family friend of mine, Anna who is actually from the same orphanage as me, and her father and hopefully her younger sister too.

"We will both need to bring 5,000 boxes of Kleenex!" said Anna in a talk about the upcoming trip.
I think she's right.   

A week ago, after a long 17 years, I had experienced the loss and abandonment of my birth mother. It was as unexpected as it ever could have been. I cried and cried for days, wondering why she would do such a horrible thing. Leave me. As I prepare for my journey back home, I can't help but wonder will we ever find each other? Will we just so happen to run into each other on the streets of Calcutta, as where my life began? Well, I know that this is just plain too unrealistic. But I can dream. So many thoughts coming in during the emotional, yet eye-opening process of preparing for an unfathomable journey...