As I was reading one of my books for my study tonight, I came across a sentence that really spoke to me. "Who is more vulnerable to the fear of future loss than an adoptee who has already experienced an unfathomable loss?" I thought about this briefly and tried to think about where this question applied to me. Speaking in terms of an adoptee --  not a teenager fighting to bring out the more independent side of himself. And after thinking about this a little more directly, I came to realize that this question is going to be a process to grasp. But I also realized that one of the things I fear most, and to be honest, have been thinking about a lot lately is losing my close loved ones, such as my parents and my sister. Funny, as I type this I realize more and more things. The loss of my parents or my sister would arise the same helplessness I have felt in this empty hole in my heart as far as I can remember...resulting from the loss of my birth mother.

So in the close picture of things, it is apparent that as I further this thought and my studies, things seem to be connected by a weak chain link slowly being welded back together by exploration.