Lately, I have started noticing the similarities in the mannerisms that my sister does and how closely they compare to my parents mannerisms. I started thinking while resting today, what it must feel like for my sister to have parents that are biological to her. But also, what it must feel like for me to not have parents that look like me, and that my mannerisms could unconsciously be reflecting my birthparents mannerisms.

That reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite movies, Lilo and Stitch:
"What must it be like to have nothing, not even memories to look back on in the middle of the night?"

This quote always gets me in a sad way, knowing that in some sense I don't have any memories of home (India) to look back on in the middle of the night. Just memories here in the States. And yes, of course they are mostly all good memories, but not the ones I sometimes wish I had.

I always thought also that in the very unlikely chance that I would find, meet, or come across my birthmother while on my journey through India a couple of months ago, we would rejoice in tears and exasperated happiness and just share memories ---- memories that I long for.

I kind of lost my main point somewhere along the way in here on this post, but what I really think I am trying to say, is that every adoptee is always fighting their own battle, and each one takes a toll on us differently at different times and at different places.

These paragraphs that I just wrote above are one of the many adoption self conflicts that I am battling currently, if you are an adoptee reading this, know that you are not alone. We fight this journey together and at times, yes, we are the "biological" family to each other that we never got the chance to really get to know.   

We remain strong, united as a force of family when there is no one else there for us.
We are adoptees.